It's been a bit rainy the last few days, but today the sun came out. I hear it's going to start raining again soon, probably for a while. Today was goddamn gorgeous, though. The temperature was perfect. The sun was shining down of all the people walking, running, driving, casting long shadows that danced on the streets. Each one of the fuckers deliriously blinded to the pointlessness of it all.
I remember quite vividly the day that I stopped believing in God. I'm not sure how old I was. The years have blurred together, but I do remember the event like a snapshot photo kept crisp, never removed from the album as though somehow the person that placed it there knew what a pivotal moment it would be. I couldn't have been more than 8.
I was sitting, staring at a painting of Mr. Jesus-Fucking-Christ himself. He hung above the fireplace with a sort of stoned looking stare out at the Living Room. I used to think it was a photograph of God. Kids are so fucking stupid.
So one day, I heard someone say that nobody had ever seen God. I think it may have been a Sunday School teacher. I went to my mom, and I said, "If nobody has ever seen this guy, how did we get the picture?" Of course my wonderful, wise, all-knowing mother explained to me that it was not a photograph of god, but a painting of Jesus. She explained that this was all a long time ago, and there were no cameras. On top of that, nobody had ever actually seen God. Even as a wee one, this set off my spider-sense.
I started asking lot's of questions. The obvious kind, "Why do we believe in someone nobody has ever met?" and the more creative kind, "Surely he's at least sent a goddamn postcard to someone?" I figured it would be a picture of clouds and pearly gates, "Wish You Were Here."
As soon as I realized that all this bullshit about Heaven and Hell and God and the Devil and being good because this old mother fucker is up in the sky watching was made up a long time ago without so much as a steaming turd to give root to any of the claims, I packed up my bags and told the old man to fuck himself.
My ideas and beliefs may have changed over the years, evolved, and become a little more complicated, but at the base it's still the 8 year old. Never believe something just because someone tells you it's the truth. Especially if that person is asking you for money, and I guarantee every fucking church of every goddamn religious is doing just that.
You don't need to put on uncomfortable clothes so some old white men in robes can make you feel guilty about being a human, and then beg for money. If you want to believe in god, that's fine and dandy. But do it on your own fucking terms.
As always, love, peace, and God-Fearing Bible Study to you all.
I remain,
-G
