What’s love? Love is compassion. Love is the truest desire for someone’s happiness. Love is unconditional, unrestrictive, and comes with no expectations.
Ok. Fine and good. So what about Romance? Romance is often called love, and maybe it is a sort of love. It’s much more open to rules and restrictions though. “If he doesn’t tell me I’m pretty, he doesn’t love me.” “If she sleeps with her boss, she doesn’t love me.” “If he hits me, he doesn’t love me.” While some of this shit is abusive, disrespectful, and downright icky, “Love” is unconditional. Romance, or Romantic Love on the other hand…
So if you’re not getting laid often enough, he doesn’t buy you flowers, she sleeps around, or there’s other bullshit running rampant, it may be the romance that is gone, but the Love is either still there or never was. And keep in mind, while I respect the Beatles greatly, they don’t know shit about relationships. “All You Need is Love” is bullshit. You also need respect, appreciation, trust, quality time, and any number of other bullshit things that may be rules of Romance, but not of Love.
Now we come to the third, and my personal favorite, aspect of relationships. Sex. :: Deep Breath :: You can almost smell the word itself, can’t you? Whether it’s slow and sensual, hard and rough, or filthy and depraved, it’s certainly a glorious aspect of many relationships.
I’m talking about balls slapping ass. I’m talking about cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, rusty trombones, and Cincinnati bow ties. Urban dictionary that shit. It’s fantastic.
When I say sex, I’m going to go ahead and assume you understands that includes foreplay, oral sex (fellatio and cunnilingus), toys for girls and toys for boys, anal, vaginal, and fat roll penetration (The kind that sounds like a boot stuck in mud only wetter). There’s sex without love and sex without romance. There’s sex with both, and one or the other. There’s casual sex, regular sex, committed sex, sex that causes you to be committed, group sex, swinger sex, threesomes, foursomes, orgies, gay sex, straight sex, dirty sex, clean sex, interracial sex, white supremacy sex, bestiality, infantilism, whips and chains, straps and leather, sex with the lights on, sex with the lights off, sex with a blindfold and sex all tied up. There’s Cougars, MILFS, Barely Legals, and Jail Bait, Brown bag specials and Tequila sunrises. Anybody get a feeling this should be read with the speech impediment of “Benjamin Buford Blue” aka “Bubba” from “Forest Gump?” Good. So it’s not just me.
So many wonderful, and terrifying forms of touchin’ the one-eyed-wonder-weasel to the dirty clam shell of desire that we could never list them all. Why can’t we list them all? Because in the time it took me to type this bullshit, 47 new kinds of dirtiness were created.
So what do we make of all this? People like to have sex. It feels good, it’s a little taboo, and it’s more fun with a partner. Some of you may be tired of relationships. Giving them a break or retired completely, they can be quite draining. Like the parable says, why buy the milk if you can fuck the farmer’s wife? But sex is an aspect of a relationship. Whether by nature or nurture, we instinctively bond to some extent to those that we are physically intimate with. Can that be shut off? Can sex be purely physical, with none of the emotion attached? I don’t know. But I do know that I’ve beat a few of those emotions to death, buried them deep, and covered the grave in cement.
Of course, we don’t need a relationship to have sex. “But G, you just said that we did! What gives?” Hey shut the fuck up, I’m trying to rant here! Why do you think the good Lord gave us opposable thumbs? Writing? Fine tool usage? Bullshit. We evolved these things for one reason and one reason only: To firmly grasp one’s cock at the base of it, and jerk until satisfied.
“But what about women?” You need a thumb to hold a vibrator, don’t you? No vibrator? Well whatever then… a squash, a sharpie (Jumbo of course), the back of a hair brush, your shower massager, these all require thumbs, damnit! Of course we are in a new age of self gratification. We don’t need to use our puny imaginations anymore. We have internet porn. And God Bless it to!
“Well I’m a woman, and I would never look at pornography.” The jig is up you whores, hoes, and other female sexual deviants. 1 in every three internet users that browses pornography is now female. So sure, twice as many men look at porn, but considering that men jerk off twice as much as women scratch their vinyl album, I think it evens out.
What’s masturbation got to do with relationships? I have no fucking idea. I’m just ranting. Did you expect a point from all this? Well there is one. There’re three aspects to relationships, and you need to remember that shit. Don’t confuse Sex with Love. Don’t confuse Love with Romance. Just because someone fucks you, doesn’t mean they’ll buy you flowers, and just because someone buys you flowers doesn’t mean they love you.
Keep you shit straight, and try to have some goddamn intelligence when entering this bullshit world of cocks and twats, flowers and chocolates, and unconditional love versus bullshit douchebags.
As always, peace, love, and more internet porn for women (we have to even those odds).
I remain,
-G
And before I forget, here is your visual embolism of the day:
